So Maybe I Am a Bit Manly

Over the past two months I've been talking a lot about being a Hybrid Husband.  I've given examples of how hybrid husbands are different than their ancestors, the "typical" husband, the "old-fashion" husband.  I most definitely consider myself part of this new hybrid husband evolution.  It's not that HH's are half male and half female but that they still retain some positive characteristics of the stereotypical husband while at the same time exhibiting characteristics of the next evolution: caring, teammate with his wife, nurturer of his children, participates equally in all household duties whether or not he works full time.  An HH doesn't just walk through the door in the evening with a paycheck, stroll to the fridge, grab a fistful of beer, and then plop down on his La-Z-Boy while the hypnotizing flicker of the television forces his mind to shut out the environment around him.  But an HH can at times resemble a typical man.  He can at times enjoy that side of himself.

One way I display my "manly" side is through football.  I LOVE football.  I love playing it, watching it, day dreaming about it, and studying it.  For that level of infatuation, this time of year is perfect!  My particular obsession, as far back as I can remember (which is the 1984 Super Bowl), has been the Seattle Seahawks.  I've been a fan since a child, through the good years and the bad years.  Jim Zorn quarterbacked the start of my fascination, Russell Wilson has kept it going.  In 1986, after diving into a box of Topps Football cards I received for Christmas, I yelled in excitement when uncovering a Bruce Scholtz card (the entire scene was caught on video).  For those who don't share the same Seahawks neurosis, Bruce Scholtz was an offensive lineman - no flair, just a big dude who pushed other big dudes out of the way.  I love the Hawks.  They've been a part of my life forever, so now, when they are finally showing some potential long lasting dominance, I feel like all my hard work of enjoyment is paying off.  I know, to some, this all sounds a bit silly, but everyone has something in their life that consistently entertains them.  Without entertainment life would be bland.  This is my "thing".  And it's also one of the characteristics that balances my manly side with my evolved side.

What makes all of this even more special is that now, after 11 years together, my wife is beginning to show interest in football too, especially the Seattle Seahawks.  She's purchased a few Hawks shirts to wear on game day and she's cheered them on with me at CenturyLink field.  Don't misunderstand though, she is nowhere near my level of obsession, but it's satisfying to enjoy a passion with your spouse and best friend.  Who knows, maybe she is evolving as well.  Maybe she's on the road to becoming a Hybrid Wife.  Either way I love her dearly.  But I also remember to leave room in my heart for Sherman, Wilson, Lynch, and Harvin.

Thanks for reading.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

'Cause I Try and I Try and I Try and I Try

They say the grass is always greener.  From this side of the fence it may appear that way to our mind.  We can rationalize a hundred reasons why what we "possess" now is inferior to what we may "obtain" in the future.  It's so easy to do, that for most of us it's automatic.  Take me, for example.  I had the time of my life back in May 2012 when my wife and I went to see The Ellen Show.  But my brain would not leave it at that.  My synapses began to spasm.  Electrical impulses went on a sugarhigh-ish firing spree.  Images of fame, stardom, and riches blew threw my cranium faster than my small sense of reality could keep up.  I saw what I wanted to see and desired to be what my mind created.  Silly.  I know.  My wife told me from the start to just enjoy the experience for what it was.  I couldn't.  It took me almost a year to stop expecting Ellen to dial my cell phone number.  I have since recovered but honestly, those ideas of fame still cross my mind from time to time.

Funny though, what I have now, my family, house, career, are enough for me.  My needs are met.  Don't get me wrong, there are bad days sprinkled in with the good, but where I am at is right for me.  Desiring something else, whether it be a new house, a guest appearance, or bling, can only bring me down.  It's my mind telling me that I am not happy in the moment which is totally ludicrous.  When else should I be happy?  Where else could I go for bliss?  The moment is it.  To wish for something else is insanity.

As I've said before, I am still human.  I have my weak moments.  I have a tendency to run away from anything that my brain cognizes as difficult.  But the constant reminder of living in the moment, accepting things as they are, has brought me greater peace.  I hope through continued repetition to relax even more.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

It's Not Miley Cyrus' Fault

On a weekday morning my iPhone 4S alarm wakes me at 5:40 with a repetitive doorbell ding dong, ding dong.  For some reason, today, I got up and out of bed without a longing to go back to sleep.  And that's quite odd considering it's Monday.  I pushed back the covers, snuck around my wife, being careful not to put any body weight on her legs, and tiptoed downstairs to continue my morning routine.  I am a cereal person and currently I am rotating between Wheat Chex, Shredded Wheat, and Wheaties.  Okay, it just dawned on me that I have some sort of unconscious obsession with gluten.  I chose Wheaties, poured a bowl, and topped it with a healthy amount of 2% milk.  2% is the only way to go - non-fat is tasteless, 1% isn't enough, whole milk is too much, and I just can't get used to soy.  Over the weekend I put together new bar stools that allow us to sit beneath our kitchen bar without bruising our legs.  I plopped down on one with my large bowl of grain and flicked my iPhone to life.

On the blazing retina display appeared articles and status messages condemning Miley Cyrus.  I don't watch MTV and haven't since I was a teenager.  In fact, the heyday of my MTV viewing occurred about the time Kirk Cobain unplugged himself.  For some reason I was drawn to this Miley Cyrus VMA embarrassment story like my son is drawn to new Pokemon cards.  I googled the video clip of Cyrus gyrating around Alan Thicke, scratch that, Robin Thicke while they both belted out Blurred lines.  If you want to watch it click below and I will wait for you (fast forward to the 3:00 mark):

Miley and Robin

All done?  Good.  Apparently, the entire teenage-ish world is up in arms over Cyrus' performance, labeling it as "disgusting", "shocking", and "embarrassing".  Cyrus, as part of her rendition of Blurred Lines with Robin Thicke, playful explores her body (and Thicke's too) with a foam finger, and then gyrates her lady parts around Thicke's "bathing suit" area.  Sure, as you can see, it was provocative and out-of-the-ordinary, but why is everyone judging Miley?  Robin Thicke should receive just as much blame as Cyrus, however, no one is pointing any fingers at him.  He confidently strides up behind her, piercing her personal bubble, shakes his legs and raises his arms while she does her thing.  Thicke doesn't move away, he willingly participates.  But Cyrus gets the blame.  Sad.  Men brag and get patted on the back in recognition of their escapades while women get shunned.  Mr. Thicke, you are a disgrace to the entire Seaver family.  I feel bad for Mike, Carol, and Ben.  They deserve better from their father.

I finished my cereal, put the phone on the charger, showered and brushed my teeth.  My son awoke as I was leaving.  I kissed his head and wished him a wonderful day.  The wife laid snoozing in bed while the baby slumbered in her crib.  Quietly, I walked out of the house, into the Prius, and on the road to work.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

Time Heals All Wounds

Look, I am no mystic.  I hold no keys to the kingdom.  My mind functions along the same lines as your's does.  What I am is not special nor unique - but also is not flawed nor condemned.  I haven't found Jesus or met Buddha on the road.  My IQ means nothing in the greater scheme of things.  At some things I am better than other people, at other things I am not as good.  I live relatively.  Or, more precisely, relativity lives me.  My identity is as skewed as a Picasso, my reality as clear as a Franz Kline.  There are more questions in me than answers.  And more answers in me than truths.  Sometimes I think I know better and other times I berate myself for not knowing enough.  Photography is a passion but time is limited.  I'd love to do whatever I like in life but boredom would take care of that exuberance.  The idea of a higher power seems so silly to me, yet when I am at my wit's end I ask for God's protection.  I don't pray.  My meditation sessions are not scheduled or constructive.  I constantly have to reign in my thoughts because left to their own devices they create some ominous fantasies.  My body yearns for food, drink, and sex.  My soul tries to limit all three.  I can be a very dependent person.  I can also claim that I need more alone time.  I've loved and lost the lovers who were no good for me.  I've neglected the lover who is.  I try very hard to give to my wife freely but random selfish moments squander some of those attempts.  Life can seem overwhelming.  Life brings joy that can be found on no other plane of existence.  I long to evolve my body and mind into the fourth dimension but my third dimensional reality keeps me grounded.  When winter drags on I long for summer but when summer enters its third month I fantasize about ten inches of snow.  I am afraid of my vulnerability but forget that others are just as soft inside.  I wish I could freeze the moment, hold my wife and children close, and live out eternity just as things are now.  I hate it when the baby wakes me up twenty minutes before my alarm goes off.  I love to write but I am critical of my work.  I am human but so much more.

What's the point of all this?  I have no idea.  The mind churned and the fingers obeyed.

Thanks for listening.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

A Big Night Out

It started a bit rough.  The baby, who normally wakes up from a nap after an hour, continued to sleep past the time we wanted to leave.  Not that there is anything wrong with a long nap, but we were counting on her normal nap duration.  It didn't happen.  The wife had to wake her up and we all piled into the car.  Then, while heading out of Tacoma, just before the on ramp to Interstate 5, the baby took the contents of her stomach and emptied it all over herself, her car seat, the back seat of the Prius, and on her brother seated on the other side of the car.  We had to detour to the side of the road to commence emergency clean up operations.   We then hit major traffic ten miles south of downtown Seattle.  The closure of highway 99 plus various events in downtown had turned what should have been a 50 minute drive into a 75 minute drive to Wedgewood.  I blame all the stoners heading to Hemp Fest for the unrealistically slow traffic.  Overall, an ominous start to our Big Date in Seattle.

Thank God for a good sister-in-law.  My wife's sister, Jenni, and niece Sam, took both the kids so Rachel and I could spend the day and evening in downtown Emerald City.  I don't worry about my kids on her watch.  Jenni not only is good at entertaining them but also keeps up the routine: Leila got her naps and Rylan brushed his teeth before bed time.  My almost-thirteen year old niece Sam pitches in as well, changing diapers, carrying the baby, and keeping Rylan happy.  We are very lucky.

Even though the trek had a tenuous start the date couldn't have been more fun.  We were free and celebrated our hard-earned freedom at Sazerac Restaurant.  After a filling lunch we headed two blocks north and four blocks west to the Great Wheel on the Seattle waterfront.  Yes, it's just a ferris wheel, but the views from the wheel are amazing (see below).  However, we had to share our compartment with another couple.  There's nothing like dangling 175 feet in the air, in an enclosed glass container, with a random couple you've never met before.  Awkward silence reigned supreme on those three revolutions around the wheel.  But the views of the beautiful Northwest filled our attention, keeping us all distracted.

The last stop in our Rain City tour was The Clink.  My employer, MBC Law Firm, graciously provided us tickets to the Seahawks/Broncos preseason game.  Rachel had never been to a pro football game before but that didn't stop her from getting all decked out in Seahawks regalia (thanks to the sister-in-law).  She knew the Seahawks were a passion of mine and was on board to enjoy the game.  And she looked damn cute in her jersey cheering the Hawks on to a decisive preseason win.  Thanks babe!  At the end of the night we returned to Jenni's house and spent some time chit-chatting with my sister-in-law and niece.  A perfect end to a perfect day.

It's good to have a spouse who is also your best friend.  I respect my wife and do my best to treat her with kindness and care.  She's the soul I choose to spend my life with so I don't take my petty bullshit out on her.  Some guys (and some gals) like to use their spouse as their emotional punching bag.  I do it the opposite way: I treat the one closest to me THE BEST.  I trust her.  I don't second guess her.  I heed her advice.  I do all this because she is the closest to me.  And, because she deserves it.

Peace Out,

 

Nathan J.

The Dog Days of Summer

I am experiencing a bit of a drought in the writing department.  I've started a few new blogs and then stopped mid-paragraph.  It happens to every mediocre blog writer in their career - blogger's block.  You know, I'm not sure why I am putting so much pressure on myself to write something interesting.  So, coupled with the fact that my brain won't produce anything earth-shattering for me to say, I am just going to go on about nothing today.

Big Brother - My wife and I LOVE this show.  It's our favorite and we look forward to that first announcement every summer, "Tonight on Big Brother....!"  I will have to admit, it never fails, every first episode I HATE the cast they've picked for the season (unless they are doing an All-Star show).  They all have perfectly sculpted bodies and perfectly self-absorbed personalities, not to mention that they ALL are at least ten years younger than me.  But as the season progresses I always get hooked on the characters and there is always a few people that I root for.  I know it's just a TV show but it's a way of life for us in the summer.  I've even thought about trying to get on the show but I figure I am a bit too emotionally sensitive to get far in the game.  My wife would do wonders though.  She's emotionally stable, shrewd, intelligent, good looking, and would play a great social game.  If her boobs weren't needed every two to three hours at home I would definitely encourage her to attend an open casting.

Our Neighbors' Dogs - Honestly, I have nothing against dogs, per say, even though I am a cat person (as far as my allergies allow it).  I do however cringe when our neighbor's dogs are barking every ten to twenty minutes throughout the day.  We are surrounded by dogs.  All three neighbors across the street have at least one dog each, our neighbor on the left has one, and both neighbors behind us have dogs.  The neighbor directly behind us has two.  Look, I understand that dogs bark, it's their nature, but it's hard to ignore when you are the ONLY house on the block without one.  But one thing I don't have patience for is being woken up in the middle of a hot summer night by a Pomeranian.  Or seeing one dog jump the fence almost every day and hearing our intoxicated neighbor loudly whistle for him to come back every evening.  Maybe I am just becoming a crotchety old man.  That could be a possibility.

Football Season - When it comes to football I am your typical every day man.  I love football, both college and professional.  I prefer the NFL over college but watch them both just the same.  Of course, the Seahawks are my favorite, the Huskies a close second.  This time of year is my favorite because the season is revving up.  I even enjoy preseason football and I've already watched the Seahawks/Chargers game twice.  My wife, at first, did not share my passion.  But she is coming around.  She watched both playoff games with me last year, even going so far as to keep watching the Seahawks/Falcons game after I had given up on them.  She has more faith then I do.  Autumn is the most glorious time of year.  But I do not choose football over my family.  Thanks to the miracles of DVR I don't have to.

That's it for today.  I hope you enjoyed this Hybrid Husband's meandering ramblings.  Sometimes it feels good to lose a little focus and let yourself float in different directions.  Living involves a lot of responsibility but allows the freedom to just be.  Thanks for listening.

Nathan J.

I Deserve a Break Today

I did my fair share of partying in college.  Living in a fraternity, every night was Guys Night.  I've had my fill of beer bongs, keg stands, and six-in-the-morning-runs-to-Taco-Bell.  That part of my life is over.  I have to admit, at the time it was A LOT of fun.  I made some great friends and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  But again, that lifestyle is in the past for me and I refuse to live in the past.

I think a lot of men get hung up on the old days of "freedom".  They carry this hangup into their marriage and family life.  It rears its ugly head in the phrases, "I just need a night out with the guys!" or "I'll be out late, don't wait up for me."  Sure, this kind of attitude may work in college, or even after college while living in a bachelor pad but when it comes to marriage and family this attitude is completely incongruent with reality.  This constant tension between the old single life and the current responsible life proves too much for some men.  But it doesn't have to be this way.  A new attitude is the antidote.

The old way of life needs to be left behind.  It's over.  It's fun to recall in your mind's eye those rascally nights of closing the bar down and then looking for the perfect street sign to steal but that needs to stay in memory.  Marriage and family requires responsibility.  It requires a man to step up and grow up.  My wife is my best friend.  My children are my fun.  I don't yearn for nights out with the guys or pitchers of Pabst with the co-workers.  Happiness is at home.  I am perfectly content with our nightly routine of getting the kids to bed and watching The Bachelorette with a bowl of Slow Churned.  I love brushing my teeth with my wife and then falling asleep next to her.  Those are the memories I want twenty years from now.  I don't want to look back and remember stumbling through the front door at one in the morning, the wife awake in bed quietly yelling at me and wincing at the smell of my stale beer breath.  My children are only young once so missing out on weekend mornings with them due to a hangover is out of the question.

A man's idea of "fun" has to change.  Fun is family.  Fun is being an equal partner to your wife.  When a man finally comes to this realization he begins to grow up and comes one step closer to becoming a Hybrid Husband.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

TESTIFY!

The traditional perception of the "perfect" family includes the idea of the weekly trek to church.  We all know what that Sunday picture looks like: gussied up kids, mom and dad in their best outfits, the whole family crammed into a pew pretending to listen to the pastor while, in reality, mom's mind is racing about the details of the night's dinner, dad daydreams of pigskin and Budweiser, and the children just pester each other.  Nevertheless, this longstanding belief that a good family attends church EVERY Sunday still persists.  But the cracks in the proverbial dam are forming.  A Hybrid Husband doesn't feel the need to drag his family to the cathedral and put on a show every week.  He's content without this ritual.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against religion or anyone's want/need/right to worship.  It's personal and varies from man to woman.  I am not judging anyone.  But the truth is, for me personally, church isn't a priority in my life or the life of my family.  Going to church doesn't make us good people.  We are perceived as good people by the choices we make in life and how these choices affect the ones closest to us.  Anyone can go to church, that's easy.  It's much harder to change your mindset and let reality be - to stop labeling people - to stop reacting over and over again without thinking first.  It's much harder to practice peace than it is to sing about it.

I grew up Catholic.  I attended mass every Sunday until college.  I went through all the rites and sacraments.  So I've based my opinion on personal experience.  Being born into the religion, I never had a chance to question it.  Catholicism was my reality and it was what was right.  But now, as an adult, I've learned that it's okay to make my own decisions.  It's okay to decide that religion isn't for me right now and that I won't go to hell because I've made that choice.  That's not to say I don't philosophize every now and then or meditate while stuck in traffic.  I just have no interest in attending church.  I'd rather spend a lazy Sunday morning sitting on the couch with my wife, sipping a cup of coffee.  I'd rather play catch on the front lawn with my son.  I'd rather make my daughter giggle.  That's my religion.

Again, please don't be offended by my personal decision.  I respect however you want to live your life (as long as you aren't hurting others) so I would prefer the same respect in return.  Please don't feel threatened, especially if you are Catholic, by the fact that the whole world doesn't share your beliefs and opinions.  Because that's alright.  We'll all float on, anyway.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

Honesty. Honestly.

I took a few days off from my grueling, but rewarding, job at MBC Law Firm last week to attend my in-law family reunion.  It's a yearly tradition where close to 100 of them spend a week camping together in the wilderness.  Many of you may be thinking, "Ugh, a week with the in-laws.  How will I make it through?"  But I love my in-laws.  They are a normal group of folks with normal problems but they are good, honest people, and a hell of a lot of fun to be around.  A Hybrid Husband realizes that his wife had a different upbringing with a different family and he enjoys the flavor that they bring to the table.  He learns from his in-laws instead of being afraid of their apparent differences.  But I digress.

Part of this family reunion is a traditional card game called 31.  Without going into the details of the rules, it's enough to know that five of us sat down to play with only one person crowned winner at the end.  At some point during the game, with all five players still alive, I noticed that another player had miscounted his cards.  No one else caught it and had I not said anything it would have brought him closer to being out of the game. But instead, I said something, and as a result his point total was actually higher than mine costing me a "life" in the game.  Honesty certainly did not pay in this instance.

Again, further into the game, I lost another "life" and then the cards were handed in and shuffled.  I realized a few moments later that due to the way I played the last round I should have lost two "lives" and been down to one remaining life, an inch away from being out of the game.  I chose honesty again and turned in a second "life".  Honesty bit me in the butt again and upon losing the following round I was out of the game.  The first player out of the game that is!  The remaining four players continued on without me and even sang me the shameful "You Lost" song: So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!  Doot ditta doot da doot da do, doot ditta doot da doot!"  It was a bitter pill to swallow.

So you are waiting for the highlight of this story, aren't ya?  The happy ending?  The moral?  Well, just as in the movies, this card game indeed had an interesting twist ending.  You see, the game ended with my son being crowned the victor and earning himself a cool $3.75, which to an eight year old is a king's ransom.  Had I not been honest, the game would have played out completely different.  The cards would have been dealt in other orders than the reality they were dealt in.  My son may not have won at all, or at least would not have won in the same way.  And it actually gave me great pleasure to see him win, more so than for me to take the small pot of coins.  My honesty was part of the entire plan, the future I could not see at the time of my confessions.

One never knows how his or her actions will play out in the future.  What may seem like an immediate loss may prove to be a more fruitful gain down the road.  So don't give in to the dark side just yet.  Remain strong and follow your heart.  And always remember that honesty IS the best policy!

Peace Out,

Nathan J.