My Semi-Epiphany

As a person the Hybrid Husband still makes mistakes.  I am not immune to the human appetite, to human needs and wants.  My mind works in much the same way as your's does.  And as a human being, with a fallible intellect, I sometimes project my wants on to other people.  In other words, I create a mental image of who I think someone is and then, when that person does not respond in the way that I want, I get upset and change the mental picture again to correspond with the perceived slight.  I do this a lot.  I create mental images constantly.  It's a difficult habit to break.

The closest person in my life - emotionally and physically - is my wife.  And the most detailed mental image of a person I have created is "her".  This image has been in the making for over eleven years and includes all my interactions with "her".  It includes both imagined disappointments and assumed delights.  Constantly, I am comparing this colossal abstract mental Rachel with the Rachel right in front of me.  If her current interaction coincides with what I want I am happy, if it does not I am either angry or sad.  But it's all built on a mental image.  It's all rubbish that I choose to carry around.  She is who she is, no matter how I think she should be or who I think she can be.

And that's my semi-epiphany.  I say "semi" because I am still human and still learning.  I know my habits will rear their ugly head again so I am careful with my words and hesitant to say I'm reformed.  But I know that I have to let my wife be who she is instead of trying to make her be what I want.  It's all said in the statement, "If you love something, let it go..."  I am willing to let go of my expectations.  I am willing to end the control.  I am very willing to let go of the paranoia, the jealousies, the bitterness, and just let her be.  And at the same time, let the world be.  It's not easy.  It might take a lifetime to perfect, but I have all the time in the world to practice.

Thanks for reading.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

How I (Almost) Became a Television Superstar

California has a way about it - a way of making your eyes sparkle and your mind churn through ideas of stardom.

It really all started in Burbank.  I loved the feel of Burbank.  It's hard to describe but I felt like I could live there someday.  Maybe the city had hypnotized me a bit or maybe it was the fact that Warner Brothers Studios could be my backyard.  Either way, when my wife and I visited in May of 2012 and were Ellen show audience members, my Burbank crush began and my ill-conceived thoughts of Hollywood success were born.

Thank God my wife is a realist, a down-to-earth soul, a grounded human being or I might still be in Burbank, loitering around the backdoor of Ellen's set.  I doubt many would blame me though.  If you were there, dancing your legs silly in front of a live studio audience, you would have caught the bug too.  When we first arrived at Warner Brothers, to sit in on a taping of Ellen, I was skeptical of the others around me.  There were a lot of people who I believed were faking excitement.  It was as if they were trying to stand out just so Ellen would notice.  I relayed that message to my wife who, wisely, informed me that "if you can't beat them, join them."  And so I did.

While the show was taping I was a truly eager audience member.  I cheered loudly, laughed hysterically, and danced manically.  In between the final segment and a bonus segment with surprise guest Will Smith I was picked to dance-off against another man in front of the crowd.  I took it seriously and danced my already lacking butt off.  The crowd got behind me and started chanting my name, "NATE! NATE! NATE!".  Who could blame me for getting emotionally jacked up?  I felt invincible.  My legs channeling Mr. Jackson.  The whole time cameras were rolling as Ellen doesn't miss out on any audience antics during or between segments.  Unbeknownst to me, Will Smith was watching the live feed from backstage and I must have entertained him because when he came out he mentioned me and how silly my moves were.  Wow.  The Fresh Prince noticed little ol' me.  I was blushing and unprepared for what happened next.

During the commercial break Will Smith came up to our seats and pulled me back up in front of everybody.  I didn't realize at the time but I was Albert to his Hitch as he showed me the proper way to dance.  Even though it lasted mere minutes the whole moment was surreal.  And up close Will Smith looked EXACTLY like Will Smith!

Walking back to our hotel, after the show, I kept running different scenarios through my head:  "Ellen will call me when we get home and invite me back to be a recurring character."  "Will Smith is going to send me a Facebook message and ask me to dance with him on tour."  "Hollywood is going to notice me when Ellen's episode airs on TV and I'll get a movie deal out of this."  "Wow, if Will Smith noticed my moves I must be an excellent dancer!"

One year and two months later I've received no phone calls from area code 818, 747, or 323.  My Facebook inbox consists of only messages from friends (who are much loved, but unfortunately not Will Smith).  And I realized I am no Fred Astaire.  But I have a wonderful life.  I am married to a wonderful wife who sees reality as it is and keeps my head screwed on straight.  My employer, MBC Law Firm, continues to thrive and continues to treat me well.  I've got no complaints.

Although I would love to be listening to Ellen through an earpiece while roaming Home Depot spouting song lyrics in a tuneless tone, I am happy where life has taken me and look forward to the future.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

That's Some Heavy Sh*t

I feel like I've got to bring it down today and lay something heavy on y'all.  As anyone who has read my blog knows I consider myself a Hybrid Husband - a husband that not only weedwacks and bangs nails but also a husband who supports his wife and loves to shop for himself.  I understand though that writing a blog opens up my private feelings to criticism.  And the Hybrid Husband has experienced just that.

Recently, another human being alluded to the fact that the Hybrid Husband was gay. It was implied in something they expressed to me anonymously and was meant to be half joke half truth (as far as they saw it).  At first I was upset but I pushed those feelings aside.  Then I thought about taking the high road and not saying anything at all, you know, Gandhi style.  But I am no saint, so I decided on a middle path and here we are discussing it.

The thing that bothers me the most about being called gay is that this person believes "gay" to be something lesser, something to be used to knock someone down.  Obviously, they've never listened to Macklemore's Real Love.  It's disappointing that people still don't realize the hate in their every day speech.  Just because something is different doesn't mean it's something to fear.  Difference is an opportunity, not something to run from and point fingers at.  Difference is change.  Difference leads to greatness.  Difference is variety in a world that could so easily be bland.  Difference is a rainbow of all colors, visible and invisible.  Einstein was different.  Jesus was different.  Tesla was different.  Lincoln was different.  Michael Jordan was different.  Need I go on?

I enjoy who I am.  I enjoy coming home to my family, lifting my baby girl in the air and hearing her giggle.  I enjoy getting on the floor and playing with my son.  I can't be happier for my wife and her success.  I look forward to heading to Nordstrom for a 7 Diamonds shirt and a pair of 7 for all mankind jeans.  I get giddy thinking about putting the kids to bed and watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey with my woman.  And I will not pay any mind to taunts from people who are scared of reality's next evolution.

I wish for you all peace and understanding.  Get out of your head and rid yourself of concepts and labels.  Enjoy the universe that surrounds you.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

Confronting a Dangerous Obsession!

The Hybrid Husband sees it all around him, but he tries to ignore it, pushes it underground.  It's everywhere but lurks in the shadows.  And just when he's forgotten about it it jumps up into his face and yells, "CAN I BUY MORE POKEMON CARDS?!"

Yes, Pokemon cards, my son's new obsession.  You never know what your children will love and what your children will hate.  Sometimes they take on personality traits of their parents but most of the time they surprise you with an odd inkling.  My son's inkling is crazy little creatures on yellow-backed plastic coated paper:

He can't get enough of these things!  I actually went garage sale-ing with him (baby in tow) over the weekend and to our surprise all three garage sales had cards for sale.  Way to stoke his obsession Tacoma!  My wife and I have a plan to curb his interest in Pokemon cards.  But it's a bit tough for me as my normal response is to give my child whatever he wants, even if it might cause him years of therapy as an adult.  Discipline isn't my strong suit.  But I must remain emboldened because this obsession could overrun me too.  Then you might see me trolling your neighbor's yard sale this Friday, combing through piles of broken plastic Hot Wheels sets, hoping to catch a glimpse of just one magical yellow card.

MUST SAY NO!

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

But Wait, There's More!

So I had this dream last night....

I was riding in the back seat of some indistinguishable motor vehicle with another gentleman.  My counterpart began to tell me about a recent work experience where he had been fired for dying.  Yes, that's right, his employer was letting him go due to his impending death.  Immediately it clicked in my dream ego's dream mind that this was some form of employment discrimination.  I reached into my mystic dream wallet and pulled out an MBC Law Firm business card and handed it to the unlucky soul sitting next to me.  No hesitation, I just knew the law firm could help.

I've never considered myself a good salesman, but what's interesting about last night's sleep occurrence was that, at least in my dream, I was confident about myself and about what I was selling.  Maybe in reality, in rock-solid three dimensions, I could be a good salesman too?!

I just want to take a minute to tell you about our salon, Bella Capelli.  My wife runs and operates the establishment.  She's a damn good stylist and always produces a high-quality product.  We don't spend money on marketing, we let her work speak for itself.  And we've grown our business, albeit slowly, based on that premise.  No need to push in people's faces the fact that a medium-length hair full foil with toner, shampoo, cut, and style only costs $105.00.  Never do I have to mention that we've been in business for ten years or that my wife has been doing hair since high school.  And I have enough modesty to not say that clients enjoy free snacks, free Keurig coffee, and free Twix bars.  No.  No advertising required.  Word of mouth is the best and most stable form of marketing.

Tonight, when my eyeballs begin moving back and forth rapidly, I hope to continue my marketing dreams.  I may be a better husband than a salesman in length, width, and height, but in the fourth dimension I am a regular Zig Ziglar.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

Maui, Manliness, and Goldfish Crackers

The title says it all.

Need I go on?

If you insist...

Maui - a small island in the chain of Hawaii.  No ka oi, Maui.  When I am feverishly typing away at the keyboard or intently solving a network communication error at MBC Law Firm, I find that my body takes over and my mind slowly drifts to daydreams of warm island breezes and large island mai tais.  This Hybrid Husband's happy place is Hawaii - but not the cluttered beaches of Waikiki or the black lava rock beaches of The Big Island.  No, my true happy place is the initial drive from the Kahului airport, leaving the sugar cane fields behind us, rounding the corner toward Lahaina as the Pacific splashes up onto the expanse of the windshield, and eventually settling in on the shores of Kaanapali.  In fact, I am there right now, I can taste the salt on my lips - the coconut smell of the wife's tanning lotion tickling my nostrils.  It's a wonderful place, Maui.  It's a place all Hybrid Husbands should visit with their families one fine day.  It's a paradise that will forever be on your mind.

Manliness - a large word used by, sometimes, large individuals to pigeonhole themselves into a cliche.  Let's face it, men are competitive.  We all know it.  We all watch the NFL, the NBA, MLB and NHL.  We see how jacked up emotionally men get over winning.  And we see how they cry like my teething four month old over losing.  Manliness is a typical word in a typical man's description of himself or his activities.  However, manliness is limiting and superficial.  I prefer to undescribe myself, to live without label.  A Hybrid Husband is always in dual mode so he never settles for any one defining characteristic.  It's okay for a Hybrid Husband to at one minute be drilling holes and the next minute changing a poopy diaper.  A Hybrid Husband has no problem telling his wife how much he loves her and appreciating the fact that she's a strong independent woman.  Manliness is limiting.  A Hybrid Husband has no time for restraint.

Goldfish Crackers - I enjoy them.  I like to snack on them, but only the regular cheddar kind.  I like to put only one in my mouth and cut it in half with my teeth before I chew it up.  They are also great in handfuls.

Well, I hope I've entertained you - or even informed you.  I appreciate the few who took the time to read this blog.  Now I must get to work...daydreaming about swimming sea turtles, vibrant rainbows, and swaying palm trees.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

The Rhubarb Festival

As fulfilling and challenging as my job at MBC Law Firm is I still find myself looking forward to the weekend, especially Sunday when the family can be together without distraction.  A Hybrid Husband enjoys family time, especially a family outing.  And that's exactly what took place yesterday.

Awhile back, January 2013 to be exact, my wife and I went to C.I. Shenanigans in Tacoma, WA for dinner.  As we were leaving we heard a female/male duo playing guitar and singing some incredible notes in the restaurant lounge.  We ended up staying for their whole set and getting to know them a bit.    Their name, Scott and Dani Band, their style, a bit rocky and folksy with a lot of country.  And we loved them.

Fast Forward ---------------------------->>>>>>>>>  Sunday, July 14.  Scott and Dani band are playing at The Sumner Rhubarb Festival!  Yes, rhubarb.  Not the stuffy creature you run with at Cheney Stadium, the actual stalky plant that grows out of the ground.  All four of us boarded the RAV4 and headed out to Sumner to see Scott and Dani play.  Both kids behaved themselves, the baby hardly uttered a peep.  The music was wonderful.  It's hard to explain without actually seeing them live, but Scott and Dani are professional and polished and original.  I am amazed they haven't stepped on to the stage of The Voice yet!  Dani's voice is superb - American Idol-esque.  And Scott's guitar playing, well, let's just say he played so damn good his fingers were literally bleeding.

What a wonderful sunny music-filled afternoon.  We are grateful for the appearance of Scott and Dani's music in our lives.  I've included a link below to their YouTube video.  It's good stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihTT2Eur-qI&feature=youtu.be

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

(Scott and Dani)

Hybrid Husband Comes Clean...

Okay, I know it's only my third blog and all.  I know I am supposed to keep the magic going - I'm supposed to dazzle you.  But today I am going to break tradition.

You should sit down for this.  The Hybrid Husband is coming clean.

I am not happy 100% of the time.  There, I said it!  Wait.  My shoulders still feel heavy.  So let me put it another way, the Hybrid Husband feels the stress!  Hmm...

As anyone who has raised children knows they are a FULL TIME JOB - especially little ones who can't speak up for themselves.  But just like any job they come with perks and benefits and sometimes with a large bonus in their diaper.  However, when you are working full time @ MBC Law Firm, trying to stay fit, keeping a marriage strong, watering the lawn, washing the car, managing the finances, making dinner, etc. the stress builds and the pressure mounts.  And I'm the type of person who takes stress and builds it up mentally until it is a colossal pile of steaming poo!

And that's where therapy comes in.  Hybrid Husbands need a tune up.  Especially when they are red-lining five or six days a week.  I started seeing my therapist again on Tuesday.  She's wonderful but one session is no cure.  I have another scheduled for this coming Tuesday and I assume the Tuesday following.  Sure, there is a part of me that is embarrassed to say this but there is also a larger part of me who knows it helps.  I don't have to endure this alone and I don't have to heap my BS onto my wife either.  If only to blab for an hour to an objective listener, therapy works.

So any other hybrid husbands out there who want to do the manly thing and keep your issues to yourself, I say, go ahead.  I just know what works for me.  And getting it out and getting some mental help sure feels a lot better.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

Ambulance Chaser No More!

Contrary to popular belief, attorneys are in the business of helping people, especially personal injury attorneys.  At MBC Law Firm, over the past ten years, I've seen many instances of people with catastrophic injuries and people who have lost loved ones.  We've helped thousands recover some semblance of a life.  And many may scoff (usually people who have never needed the help of an attorney), but what we do is NOBLE.  If you could see what we see, if you could witness the pain that people bring to us, if you could understand that yes, nothing can turn back the clock and make everything 100% okay, but that we provide a service that allows people a way to move forward, you would agree with our nobility.

At MBC, we don't take a case where either a) the client isn't really injured, or b) the client wasn't injured at the hands of another.  We help those who need help.  And that's why I enjoy working for MBC Law Firm.  I feel that I play a small part (churning out numbers and fixing computers) in an organization that not only helps those who come as clients, but help those in the greater community (United Way, American Red Cross, American Cancer Society, and the list goes on).

So I plan to stay at MBC Law Firm until I retire.  Sure, it's a job and does involve its stresses.  But I enjoy it.  I enjoy the challenge of my job and I enjoy watching the attorneys battle for our clients.

And then it's time to go home and don a new hat.  That's what a Hybrid Husband does.  In my next post I'll get into more detail about that magic moment of the day when I cross over from employee to co-captain of the family.

Thanks for listening.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.

The Hybrid-Husband Breaks His Silence

I've told my wife on a few occasions that I feel like a hybrid-husband.  The old 1950s style hubby (you know, go to work while the wife runs the home and family) does not apply.  Our family would not survive on one income, plus my wife enjoys working - especially owning her own business.  We both work and we both run a household and a family.  We share all responsibilities.  The husband/wife dichotomy isn't very apparent under our roof.

Due to this modern family setup my life can be pretty demanding.  For instance, here is a road map of my typical weekday:

1.  Get up at 5:40 AM
2.  Leave for the office (MBC Law Firm) 6:15 AM
3.  Workout out in the office gym 6:30 - 7:30 AM
4.  Account and fix computers/networks for my benevolent employer, MBC Law Firm 7:30 AM - 3:00 PM
5.  Arrive home, grab the baby, pick up 8 year old son at school  3:15 PM
6.  Change diapers, console crying baby, find something to keep my 8 year old busy, make dinner (all of which are done while wife is working in our basement salon, Bella Capelli) 3:30 - ?
7.  Welcome my wife upstairs after finishing her appointments - could be anytime between 5:00 and 8:30 PM
8.  Get kids settled and in bed 8:00 PM
9.  Watch TV with the wife 8:00 - 9:30 PM
10.  Fall asleep and subconsciously anticipate the 5:40 AM alarm

I really don't want to come off as a complainer, because I'm not.  And I hope I am writing this blog to help others and not as some quasi-therapeutic attempt to help myself.  Either way, being a hybrid-husband is very challenging but allows for many rewards: a son who adores me, a baby who giggles at me, and a wife who supports me, to name a few.

And let's not forget the other half of my life, MBC Law Firm.  In the next blog post I'll explain why I've dedicated the last ten years of my life to this employer and I why I plan to retire there.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.