I Want the World! I Want the Whole World! Give It to Me Now!

Let's set aside the fact that I am a man.  Let's also suspend our disbelief and forget that I am a husband.  After we strip both of these labels off what remains is my humanity.  It's what we all share, whether male, female, gay, straight, black, white, Muslim, Christian, American, or Syrian.  Our common bond is our flesh and blood and the function of our cognitive abilities.

Keeping in mind that I am speaking from a human perspective, I want to make a point regarding how a man should treat their spouse.  There are a lot of men out there who want to put themselves first.  They want their wife to cater to their wants and needs.  And once those are satisfied the wife is left alone to satisfy her own.  But what does that do to a relationship?  For one, it puts one person above the other.  It's not equal.  It's not a team, but a dictatorship.  In this type of relationship there is either constant conflict (if the wife is headstrong) or constant acquiescence (if the wife is more reserved).  Even though she may bow in order to keep the relationship together, in her mind and heart feelings of bitterness build.  Sure, the man dominates and constantly gets an ego stroke, but as human beings, neither wins.

I take a different approach.  I realize that my wife is a person, just like me.  She has the same thoughts, experiences the same feelings, and has similar desires and fears.  Keeping this in mind helps to keep my empathy level high.  I don't worry about "what's she done for me lately".  That's not my responsibility, nor is it under my control.  I keep my actions planted in what I have the ability to effect.  My choices can either further the growth of the relationship or cut it off, if only to serve myself.  But why would I even want a partner if I was so concerned with my own well-being?  What's the point of being married if my needs come first?  I might as well be a bachelor or move back in with my parents.  Hell, I should just don a diaper, wear footie pajamas, and sleep in a bar-surrounded bed.  My focus is my wife and children.  Sure, I am not perfect.  As any other human being does, I have moments of selfishness.  But my wife does a good job of keeping empathy in mind as well.  She treats me as an equal and knows we are a team.  For that I am grateful, but I don't expect it.  I take what comes.

Everything said up until this point applies to a man's children as well.  What's the point of having the little lovable buggers if you can't put their needs ahead of your own?  It's not a wife's responsibility to tend to the children, it's a man's duty as well.  The more time spent making your baby girl laugh, playing soccer with your son, sitting and watching a movie together, or just having a conversation with them is an investment in your future just as much as theirs'.  And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...

It really doesn't matter what gender you happen to be a part of.  We can all put more effort into our relationships.  It's just like a football team: no one person wins the game but everyone plays their part to the best of their ability.  It's not about padding your stats but competing in a manner that brings those around you across the finish line as well.  Hybrid Husbands know how to do this.  It takes practice, but the outcome more than justifies the effort.

Peace Out,

Nathan J.